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When the water has run dry, sit and watch for the rising clouds.

Thinking of...

Sunday, December 12, 2010
Again.. I've been thinking about what I'm going to do...

should I give up?
should I just throw away everything?
should I wait? For what?
should I keep on struggling? Is it really worth my time?

Is there someone gonna help me while searching for the answer?

Ugh! If only I can go back in time... But even if I go back to any point of my life and re-do things I want to do... Will everything turns for the better? Or worst?

Maybe this is just a phase...

A Signal?

Wednesday, December 8, 2010
4 years ago, I've asked myself whether it's a wise decision to change to Biological Science...

2 years ago, I've asked myself whether it's a wise decision to change to Biomedical Science....

and today.... again I ask myself whether it's a wise decision to change my life direction...

I had a heart to heart talk with my housemate and we ended up with a lot of things that we never talk about before...

There's one thing that I take pride on that maybe isn't something right for me to keep on going with... and thus I think I want to stop here and make a change...

One may think that I'm happy to be here...
One may think I should be grateful to study in such a great university...
One may think that I should keep going on and try my best...

But... I think the signal has arrived for me to stop and leave... and surprisingly I'm not sad nor happy to leave... I'm kinda nervous actually...

as I leave this place, I'll go to somewhere new...

I've been thinking non-stop about this matter... Every now and then my head filled with thoughts of running away... But only a coward would do that... and I'm not a coward...

It may be hard later... But I'll try my best to survive...
I will survive... I promise...

I'll take this challenge... I'll not lose... not to myself...

I wonder if I'm gonna discover something else along this new path?

In the Verge of... Death!

Friday, November 12, 2010
Owh... okay.. I may exaggerate a little bit... Hehe

So basically I'm done with just one paper.. and one for tomorrow, one for day after tomorrow, and the last one would be day after tomorrow after tomorrow... Ugh! Who did this horrible schedule anyway?

Last night I dreamt of me holding on to someone's heart by my own hands trying to stop the bleeding and I think it's more like cardiorrhexis... OMG! It's not I'm studying to become a doctor to begin with... LOL

So.. enough with this... let's get back to hell... I mean my notes... =D

New Discovery?

Thursday, October 14, 2010
well, let's just say I have a new obsession...

Recently, I've been downloading some new anime and manga... As I don't have much time to read the manga online, I just downloaded the archived ones and put them away in between my notes and assignment. But honestly, every now and then, I'll just gonna end up watching at least one episode of the recently downloaded by myself and other housemates anime.

I've always wanted to re-watch Rurouni Kenshin, though...

But this summer, (eh!!!! Well, sometimes I assume myself living in Japan, so..) I've checked out some awesome-crazy-haunting anime such as Black Butler, Hakuouki: Shinsengumi Kitan, Kaixchou wa Maid-sama!, and another anime that I'm about to dragged into my world - Claymore.


Finals gonna ride a freaking big fireball and ready to hit me on my head!

Well, I just wanna relax a bit before killing myself during the final month of this semester...

I've been thinking a lot recently...well, up until I can't sleep well, at night...

Sometimes I wonder how my life gonna end up... What I'm gonna do about my future?
Well, the only thing that I can do right now... is pray hard that I will success in no matter what I do...

Let's Just Moved On

Monday, October 4, 2010
Trying my best to understand the meaning of life... (err... does it sounds so dramatic?)

Mid terms just ended last week.. =D

I came back from home on September, 20th with double the amount of stuffs that I brought from Kuantan.. Well, it was 'Eid.. I spent a lot basically, just can't get enough of shoes! Not forgetting my first official handbag, yay! I'm not that ladylike so I'm not into these kind of stuffs until recently when a lot of people approached me and said this and that...

So, I think.. Why not? I always avoid whenever this topic - to be more feminine and blah blah blah... Well, I always do things only when I'm ready and not rush into it as I always believe that if I do things drastically, it won't last long and I'll just going back to who I was before..

Recently I posted some stuffs in Facebook that I think it's kinda personal but it's just that I really want to say out loud but I just can't.. After having deep thought before posting those lines up, I took a deep breath and there... well, in Japanese... Though not many will understand it but as long I know I said it.. clearly there... that's more than enough...

Therefore.. I think it's the right time to let go and move on...

Let's pray hard and wish for the best to come!

Signing out!

What A Rush!

Wednesday, September 1, 2010
Yesterday was crazy as I'm doing full-shift at Nike. Sales went quite high for August - people are dressing up for 'Eid and of course with the efforts given out by most of the staffs. The winner of August's sale is Ash... What do you expect? He's good at promoting stuffs! Wish I could do better so I can compete with him! Well, we're friends for sure but all of us are rival at the same time...
I think the whole rivalry thing is good as I learn to improve myself and keep on going forward.

I'm hoping I can show the same attitude in studying... Why? Because while working I can see the differences between people who're studying in higher learning institutions and those who barely finished high school. I'm not saying these kids are stupid - seriously, no offense but how they see things is way too different from the way I see things around me. Knowing things about who they are, where they from, etc. etc. really make me appreciate the chances given to me - studying in university for an example and lots of other things...

Working with these people has really re-defined the whole meaning of friendship to me...

But then, I gotta admit that since I'm working part-time, I kinda enjoy studying in classes - working makes me more organized and less post-poning stuffs and learning on how to spend my money wisely is definitely a bonus! Also no more movie every single week, or hanging out in Starbucks during weekends, or buying unnecessary stuffs!

But the thing that I regret the most is I spend less time with Sha.. With me living off-campus, things just getting worse I think.. but our crazy outings recently to Teluk Cempedak and chatting over a coffee in Old Town White Coffee just perfect as we both 'replenished' ourselves with this and that.. =D

Today I got 1 paper from 8 to 9... Went back home straight after that... around 10 Saiful came to pick me up and he drove me to the terminal... God! I really appreciate it so much as I don't have anyone to send me... Bus left at 10.30 and I reached KL around 1.30 p.m. ... Took a cab to KL Sentral and bought a SkyBus ticket to LCC Terminal... Arrived at the airport at 3 p.m and I checked in right away... I was so worried since yesterday I couldn't make it but thank God I did... and now hopefully my flight won't get delayed because it's common for AirAsia to delay their flights...

Alright, people! It's time to board already...

Happy flying everyone!

Walking Tall Part II

Friday, August 27, 2010
Sometimes I really miss the times when I was in primary school. Even though I only made few friends, it didn't really matter to me back then. How I was doing at school was the most important thing for me, or I could say my parents. I have to live up to their expectations every single day. Back then also, everyday was almost the same. School, homework, house chores, and then repeat the whole thing on the next day. I got few things to run at school - as the head librarian but it didn't cost me much work.

The thing that I remembered mostly about primary school was I kinda did things effortless. Multi-tasking was easy as I knew everything like the back of my hand.

But now, everything was so different. At this age, I find things around me very challenging even to wake up from bed and decide what I'm going to do today. Lectures that I have to attend to, assignments that I need to be done with, discussions among classmates that seems never going to end, all those sessions in labs, even after going through all these things, I'm going to be honest, I still can't see what I want to do, who I want to be, when will I ever be, in the future.


One simple word that every time I want to talk about it, I'm just speechless.

Am I going to be someone in the future? Probably that's out of the question but who knows?

I see a lot of people with different background achieved something big in different field.

If only there's a book that whenever we have problem, we just open it up and look up for the answer in there. But life's not like that. All of us need to realize how important it is to experience the life itself and live every moment.

Therefore, I'm saying this to myself,

Wake up and start decide want you want out of your life.

It's now or never!

Walking Tall

Thursday, July 29, 2010
actually I'm in the middle of Systemic Anatomy class right now but since it's about female's reproduction system.... I think I can handle it... =)

Woke up this morning with one thing popped in my mind.

I'm 22. From today until 28 of July next year. Great!

I don't know why 22 is such an annoying number. Is it because it's repeating? Probably.

Other reason? I can't just think of any reason. But I'm still feeling annoyed!

Hmm.... continue to part 2 later.

signing out!

Am I Hurt?

Wednesday, July 28, 2010
Trying to find a right word to start this entry for about almost half an hour but I couldn't just find anything.

Here goes nothing...

I always think that maybe I was right about him. He is perfect. Perfect in every aspect I can think of. Perfect in the eyes of people around him - though some may think not but the fact that he is way too perfect for me just keep on haunting me ever since the first moment I met him.

I was in the middle of nowhere while finding one simple reason to forget someone until the day I met this one guy who I thought a worker in our faculty's photocopy centre. I was stunned when I heard his voice for the first time. After asking few questions then I found out that he's actually a student in 3rd year and what a beautiful coincidence that we shared the same department! I was so elated and thought it was a bless to have such wonderful senior and after having a quite long conversation, I left with my friend with one thing about me he misunderstood. My name or rather my nickname.

After that, he really had caught my attention. I saw him everywhere around the campus - I really did asked myself whether it was just me or it was really odd coincidences to see him even in other faculties. Such a small world isn't it? He always appears in such presentable ways of dressing up. Not too schematic but rather casual and his choice of colours just enlightened me each and every time.

From time to time, I updated myself about things that revolved around him via his classmates which happened to be housemates and people I hang out with. I know it is so high school but I don't really care about those said things.

Facebook is a phenomena and I'm one of people who included in the list of those who got really into it after signed up. There I found his account and of course I added him. Well, not to forget the fact that I was dared by someone but still, I was jumping up and down when he finally approved me. We chatted few times and I think I was having a great time spending some time 'hovering' his profile. Laughing with my friends while looking at pictures that he posted up in his FB or reading his random entries on his wall.

So basically, all I can say is I really like this guy. Up to the level I would sit in the faculty's lounge just to get a glimpse of him. Hey, he's a great guy so don't put the blame on me!

But the beautiful days have come to an end when I finally found out about his relationship with someone who attended the same university as us.

My heart was broken. Like one big shining crystal that been crushed to the wall and shattered into debris of worthless glass.

It was just a simple crush! I know and that was I thought about the whole thing but I guess it's not. My days had become so stressing with the finals were around the corner. I felt so childish and stupid.

Well, what more can I say? I moved on. Or that was I thought. Time went so fast and few months I started to hang out around him again. But the feeling wasn't the same anymore. Though some times I could feel that he actually knows about how I feel towards him but that was only a prediction.

almost 2 semesters had already passed and things don't really change much. I still catching up about him but I can see the fine and invisible line telling me I had more than enough of him already.

but I'm just a human. I make mistakes. A lot of mistakes and being easily lured into the 'black hole' of beautiful and wonderful thoughts of him probably one that I should've avoided.

Things happened for reasons. Though I tried so hard to find wisdoms behind all the things happened in my life, I just couldn't wrap my head around this thing that just happened just now.

He is getting married.

Am I hurt?

p.s this is the 'best' birthday present ever!

I Know!

Tuesday, July 13, 2010
The 3 months vacation is damn over! I KNOW!!!!

Just wanna wrap things up, I worked for Y2K - Factory Outlet for almost 2 months but due to something happened I went back home around mid of May...

As usual, being mum and dad's multi-purpose-assistant, I updated all their company profiles - took my almost 2 weeks!

Almost the same routine everyday... Office in the morning, cooking in the evening... Cleaning, movies with mum and Arif, etc. etc. ...

Settled with Uncle Muss' wedding, I took some time off to Sandakan to visit grandma...

Abang went home on June 1st so everything just went like hell. Got nothing to say about that.

All in all, I'm glad I went back and broke down to tears at the airport... Geez...

Arrived in Kuantan on 12th of July (went to shopping in KL before hit the bus which temporarily located in National Stadium Bukit Jalil) and felt like jumping to see my Jeremy!

Signing Out!

A Reflection... #6

Tuesday, March 16, 2010
It's Tuesday and basically I don't have any class from morning till evening. But then, when I checked my iCal, there's an entry stated: 'Leadership class, 8 p.m.'... But, there was a small note written under the entry: 'Final session'... I smile a bit.

Though I'm feeling so lazy to get up and ready for class, I quickly took my shower and off to campus around 7 p.m. Got some time to online so I updated my blogs and Facebook-ing for about 5 minutes.

Though it's unbelievable, ALT 2 was occupied by other class. As a result, we need to find other place and ended up in the classroom nearby ALT3. After settling down, and when the first group was ready, the presentations started right away.

The first topic for today was Thinking Skills. The presentation circled around Edward de Bono's 6 Thinking Hats. They made a short movie which introduce the group member - with their hats. There was a part when the whole group was having a discussion regarding their presentation for Leadership class - which was what they were doing that time, and there was a part when they play another movie which is Tan Sri P. Ramlee's Ali Baba and 40 Thieves. In the movie, they point out some of the type of thinking such as visual, wishful, reflective, positive, and hypothetical thinking. After the movie, they discussed about the type of thinking skills and proceeded on how they are going to present the topic.

There were some points that I took from their presentations. The first point, we need to arrange our thoughts before implementing something, consider the consequences before doing something - rush decisions should be avoided, and how we should be able to cope with different way of thinking among ourselves as we need to consider other people thoughts especially when we need to decide upon something that involve other people as well.

Regrading the presentation, I think that the method in conveying the message is quite okay. Though the same method was used by Azli's group before but when it comes to Edward de Bono, it's a new thing for me. My group members think that there are better way of presenting the topic, but as they want the presentation not to be time-consuming, that's how it was presented. An international friend of mine was having difficulty to understand the whole movie - especially it was cut here and there, so I think the group supposedly have to come up with something global.

Throughout the presentation, I was thinking about some people whose actions not reflecting their thinkings or what they said. As for me, you better not saying anything if you can't do it. In essence, do not make promises if you can't make it.

The second point, Western thinking versus Islamic thinking. Well, as for me, I've been living all my life Western and Eastern-ly. I have to admit, when it comes to religion, I'm lack in terms of that. Therefore, of course I need to brush up my knowledge in religion field to be able to think in Islamic way.

Moved on to the second presentation which was on Stress Management. The group was portraying a male student who is a good student in his class, has good interpersonal skills, but because of being overwhelmed with studies, tasks given as the president of student bodies, he ended being stressed. It was an acting in their class, where his friends told him that he is in stressed condition by pointing out the symptoms of being stressed and how to overcome them. The 'lecturer' also advised him through the Islamic perspective on how to relax and nourish your heart, mind, and soul with the Words of Allah - al-Quran, and do a lot of zikir.

From Br. Said, I also found out that because of stress, someone could end up having hallucinations, delusions, illusions, and thus he or she need to be prescribed certain medications to ease the stress.

All in all, it was a good presentation. I think we also need some reminder on this topic as the finals are just around the corner.

The third presentation, which is the final presentation, was on Strategic Planning. The group came up with some facts on how to make strategic planning like we need to plan carefully and make statement out of it. In order to plan wisely, we need to understand the missions and visions of a project, what's the goal and what's need to be achieved.

They brought a scenario where a company who was making a good business suddenly collapsed and facing bankruptcy therefore the group who was acting as Mr. Plan It has come to the rescue. According to Mr, Plan It, in a company, organizational strategies are needed and there are different strategies for different level of managers. SWOT (strength, weakness, opportunity, and threat) analysis also should be done to analyze the situation face by the company. There were also the Porter's 5 Forces and PEST (political, economical, social, technological) analysis being discussed in order to save the company. That was the first part of the presentation.

The second part of the presentation was about a twins who's attending university but having different attitude towards the life as a university student. One with positive attitude that keeping good habit studying regularly and having some time to relax when exams are approaching while the other one with negative attitude who was cramming before the exam. Well, of course the first one get good results in exam while the other one doesn't. Thus, the moral of the story, plan your studies and prepare early is better than pulling an all-nighter.

All in all, I think for this final presentation, my classmates were having difficulty to focus as they find it more fun and entertaining than informative. Why? Because of the Mr. Plan It, and the part when Tengku played a role as a father who disappointed in his daughter who had failed in exam. Still, I think the overall is quite okay.

At last, the Leadership and Management sessions are over! Honestly, I'm quite relief but at the same time, I feel sad as there won't be any sessions with students from other departments - of course there will be Parenting, but for the moment, yes, I'm sad. I won't be hearing traveling experiences from Br. Said anymore.

Thinking back what we had been through for the last 6 sessions we had, I think it's a good experience. We got to express more about ourselves and what we're thinking. Sharing thoughts with my classmates and also telling others your opinions regarding matters discussed in the class had made me learned some facts that I never knew before. Laughing, surprising, reflecting, thinking, and all those memories I had with my classmates, I will remember them.

In a nutshell, I had a good time spending with my classmates and Br. Said as our guide in these Leadership and Management sessions. Indeed, after all these self-discovery sessions, all of us had become better than before.

The End.

p.s.: To Br. Said, thanks for making me writing a journal. It is a good experience indeed.

A Reflection... #5

Wednesday, March 10, 2010
It's Wednesday and it's a routine for me to have my Blackforest Cheesecake from Secret Recipe every Wednesday. It's actually a new menu so before this I always have White Chocolate Macadamia... Still, once a while I do order it for take away...

As I'm having another Leadership and Management session today, I went to KOS half an hour before 5. I opened my Facebook while waiting for others to come.

As usual, before having the presentations, Br. Said mentioned few things that needed to be cleared about. Again the Medical Certificate issue. I don't know why MC is a big issue here as it being mentioned again and again. Still, there's nothing I can do about it. Probably it IS a big issue, I guess.

Suddenly, Br. Said poked an interesting question.

"Conventional versus Innovative. Which one would you choose?"

Confidently, of course I would go for Innovative. When he poked that question, pictures and logos like Mahjong paper, PowerPoint, Executive Diary, iCal, snail mails, emails, lectures in classes, video conferences, and lots of other things popped into my head.

Some of my classmates would go for Conventional. Br. Said said basically these people during Eid, they would go for traditional cookies instead the new, colourful, modern cookies.

Well, I wouldn't put it that way if I were him. Still, it's kind of true in a away.

But for me, again I would go for Innovative. Even back in CFSIIUM, where I did my foundation, I typed all my tutorials though all my classmates submitted them in handwritings, PDA-phone became handy compares to a small notebook as I can put most of MS Word notes in it, and since I changed to Mac products, my student life is getting more and more exciting. Some of my friends go for the expensive electronic dictionary while I just downloaded free (or hacked) applications into my iPod. Not to condemn those who's going for Conventional, but I think it's up to you what you are more comfortable with, right?

Lectures in classes versus video conferences?

Well, as for me I'm fine with both. Some people would think lectures in classes offers you more interactions between you and your lecturer but I think, as long you are willing to cope with the video conferences - as it is sometimes not very comfortable looking at video - though it's live, the whole time. As long as there is communication between the lecturer and his students, I can say it's more than enough. Well, you can't blame your lecturer if he is having important seminar overseas with your finals exams are just around the corner and you need to clarify few things with your lecturer before going into the hall, right? If you're saying this isn't true then, I wonder how telecommunications companies like Maxis, Celcom and DiGi are making good business in their products like 3G and Video Message.

Lectures versus presentations by the student.

If you ask me, I would prefer presentations. Because I got to learn more than having mere lectures on certain subjects and topics - like what we're having in Leadership class. But of course, in these sessions the lecturers need to guide us through and point out our mistakes. I wonder how interesting Anatomy class would be if it were to be conducted in this way. Problems rise would probably because of the number of students in our batch. We're over 150! But I still think it can be implemented. Having an advisor assigned to groups of students also will be extremely helpful - especially to student like me who's easily distracted and need to be monitored from superiors like my lecturers in order for me to keep on focus in my studies.

Moved on to the presentations, the first one is from group 6. We're having a forum entitled "Do We Appreciate Our Time?". There were some facts given out and questions from 'audiences' and 'emails' were discussed in the forum. Basically, it was all about how you should manage your time effectively and how the management would effect your life as a whole. Someone who likes to waste his time would probably going to end up being a failure.

In order to have a good result for an example in a project, you need to plan the whole thing and work on the project step by step, phase by phase until you manage to complete it. It's a basic knowledge for you to know but when it comes to life decisions like your future, it is definitely need a serious plan on how you're going to deal with things like your future.

From the very beginning of my adolescence, I planned to go to university. I still remember the big handmade poster of universities' logos on my dorm's locker. In order to get a spot in university, I worked hard in school, involved in many activities to improve my leadership, management, public relation, and lots of other skills as preparations to face the hard and challenging life as a university student. As for now, I lived through the four out of six years - including my foundation days. It wasn't easy, I have to admit. I still got two more years before hitting the harder and more challenging life - working life. Therefore, I need to be stronger, gain knowledge as much as I can and prepare myself well for it.

A good friend of mine, always remind me of this...

"It's 10% luck, 20% skill, 15% concentrated power of will, 5% pleasure, 50% pain so you need 100% to get something that you really want in your life."

I totally agree with that.

In essence, you need to plan on how you want it to be, focus while doing it, put enough effort, give strong commitment, and try your hardest. Not to forget to submit yourself to God especially, pray hard and with His permission, you'll get what you want.

The second presentation was brought by the seventh group. It was a pop quiz competition. Their topic was on meeting. Few things like characteristics and types of meeting, ethics in meeting, were discussed. Br. Said also mentioned about the importance of minutes in meeting and the significant of it in making and implementing important decisions in higher level meetings for an example meetings among the Dean and his deputies deans in our Kulliyyah.

Overall, the presentations by both groups were okay. We all know the buzz was all about already but both group did good jobs in bringing the topics in different way of thinking and angles of perspectives.

Last word, remember who you are, where you from, and when you reached the blue sky, don't forget the green grass on earth... I'm just saying.

That's all. Signing out!

A Reflection... #4

Friday, March 5, 2010
After spending the entire morning reading Breaking Dawn by Stephenie Meyer, I went to Secret Recipe for a lunch and end up staying in there - online, updating my FB, my blogs... and of course time flies very fast when you're having fun... I almost forgot that I supposedly have Leadership class today. So, after rushing to KOS, I quickly sneaked into the class few minutes before Br. Said came.

We started the class with him talking about his trip to Chieng Mai, Thailand. He said it was a nice experience and gave some tips while being there... After that, we proceeded with the presentations from Mia's group on Public Speaking.

The presentation mostly about the dos and don'ts - again the same thing brought by other groups including us, in public speaking. The scenario was the international public speaking competition and there were 3 members acted as representatives from Maldives, Aussie, and Malaysia respectively. The topic was legalization on prostitution. The Maldives guy gave out some point but there were times he was speaking in a language that probably none of us in the class would understand apart of himself. The second speaker - Mia, who was jumping in and out of the topic while the last speaker - Hazreen, well I think she was portraying a good speaker...

The second part was when Hannan stepped in and pointed out some things that need to be considered such as mic testing, choices of words, eye contact, speech pace, which are vital in public speaking. Mia also said some stuffs on how to overcome your nervousness which is by drinking a lot of water - also good to prevent from dehydration as your mouth can get dried easily while speaking, and as for handling stress, you just need to take deep breathe and have some confidence. Hazreen also said that you need to overcome the fear in you like in public speaking. Well, speaking of fear, deep sea was I fear most - worldly affair to be specific. I almost drown in waterfall and while playing at the beach when I was small so that definitely add up to reason why I'm so scared of deep sea. But of course I intend to overcome the fear by learning to swim when I got some time in future.

Few last things being mentioned are what do you need to have in mind in public speaking which are critical thinking, read a lot of materials, and how to relax before going up to the stage.

Speaking of reading materials, I remember my teacher once said that books are the most important element in seeking the knowledge. Which is why I love bookstores so much and I can sit in there for hours. I still remember the first time I stepped into Kinokuniya in KLCC, and went out after spending 8 hours straight in there... That was a record, I think. But recently, as I need to do few assignments on my core subjects, I added up a new source of informations - among the books, internet, multimedia, etc., which is journal. I never want to read a journal before until I'm instructed to do so by my lecturer. It was long and quite draggy but I think it's a good experience. I got to learn a lot of new vocabularies and medical terms. But I still think I need some time to get used with it.

All in all, their presentation was okay and quite informative. A bit outstanding than the others probably because most of the member have good conduct in English. Well, the President of IIUM Kuantan English Debate is in there... What more can I expect?

As we started the class late, we had only one presentation for today. It was past seven already and I quickly rushed home.

That's all, ciao!

Few Weeks Before Final Examinations

Monday, March 1, 2010

As usual, now it's the time when presentations need to be presented, assignments to be submitted, reports to written, etc. etc. etc. ...

Today, I'm having Quality Assurance presentation. Started at 9 in the morning, we still haven't finish all the presentations... There are 12 more groups to go... Haiz.... I don't whether this is a fortunate thing for me or unfortunate thing for my group member, but we're gonna be the last group to present.... NO!!!!

It's freaking boring.... and my MacBook is already out of battery...

Thursday Night!

Thursday, February 25, 2010
Feeling bored as I don't have anything to do tonight... Almost all my housemates went out for movies while I'm stuck inside my room and do nothing but staring at O-Lie - my teddy bear.

Actually, there are a lot of things I need to right now it's just that I don't think I can do anything... Well, at least for now.. I don't want to be a lazy bum throughout this weekend...

I've been through the whole one month - December '09's NST newspapers this evening with Shahida for the sake of our Parasitology assignment... Unfortunately, there wasn't much information we got... I think I need to borrow more newspapers from the library...

Aish! I wonder why I'm feeling annoyed right now... is there anything to kill? Someone? Something? =)

Ah... Tomorrow's is my best friend wedding... I wish I were there... I really want to go but there's nothing I can do about it... To be honest, I don't even ask Mum to buy me flight tickets... It's not that I don't want to go but then... I wonder what I'm going to do if I were there...

I called Mum to confirm the dates I'm going back at the end of my short semester. It's going to be exact one month holiday so I really have to plan it starting from now. I don't want to waste just like that as I know there won't be any chance for me to go back later... Next short semester will packed with practicals and I'm hoping to be graduated before I hit another short semester after that...

I miss him... again. I wonder how long it takes before this feeling fades away... Well, can it be faded away? can I just throw it away? Can I just forget?

Someone said it already...

"Moon, you got to let him go..."

But what if I don't want to let him go? Can you just let me be?

"It's not a wrong thing for you to like someone... Someone who can love someone else is guiltless.."

I wonder whether I'm guiltless or I'm just innocent regarding this thing...

I really want to see him again... Even just for 5 minutes... for the last five years since I met him... I really want to see his face again...

it's unbelievable but it's true... probably it's because I'm freaking bored right now so I started to think about nonsense.

Is it nonsense?

A Reflection... #3

Thursday, February 18, 2010
As for today, I have no other class other than Leadership class. Though I felt so lazy to prepare myself before going to class, I arrived around a quarter before 5. Well, that's early.

After waited for almost half an hour, Br. Said came and he said a few things that needed to be cleared among us. He also talked about some people who have this mind-setting that Friday is considered as weekend. As far as I concerned, even since my Matriculation days most of IIUM students had this idea of going back every Friday and some even going back on Thursday if they don't have class on the next day. Back in Matric also, I still remember there are some students claimed themselves as members of PBSM - not Persatuan Bulan Sabit Merah but Persatuan Balik Setiap Minggu. I don't really get these particular of people as for me who considerably a bit independent as I went to boarding schools and need to get on flights to reach home, I wonder when these people started to grow up and enjoy a little bit more of living independently. Don't get me wrong but going back home for every weekend? Especially most of programs held in campus held during the weekends and no wonder why not a lot of students participate in those programs.

Br. Said also advised us to solve our problems right away and not to postpone them as it'll lead to a lot more problems in future. I'm totally agree on that. When it comes to assignments and reports, I preferably do them before I get onto my revisions. But the problems rise when I have to do them in group as synchronizing the time with other members and setting up a place where we could meet are sometimes hard to be done. The solution is to divide the tasks given and do it ourselves. When everything's ready, we just need to compile and submit the assignments.

Other than that, he also advised us to brush up our English vocabulary and familiarize ourselves with Medical terms such as tonsillitis, etc. As a Biomedical Science student, I have to agree. Well, having basic in Medical terminology helps a lot especially when it comes to studying Physiology, Anatomy, Pharmacology, Pathology and other related subjects.

We also need to enhance our language skills, especially English - our medium language in class. I am totally agree on that as I'm sick of people who have their gut to come up in front to make announcements or giving out talks on religion but speaking in Bahasa and basically I have to translate every single word to my International friends. What's worse? They speak in dialects that I don't even understand. It's not that I'm incapable to understand but at least when it comes to serious stuffs, if you don't want to speak in English, speak in standard Bahasa at least as some of the International students can understand a bit of it. I think if you want people to take you seriously, you have to be the first one who's taking what you're trying to convey seriously and let's start with the language. Who cares if your English broken, why bother to laugh? Babies don't run right away after they were born. My English isn't something that I can proud of but at least I learn and improve every single day. Come on, people! Speaking in English it's not that hard like other foreign language, take Japanese for an instance. There are more than 50, 000 'kanji' registered in Japanese language an I have to memorize at least 2000 in order to pass the Japanese Language Proficiency Test Level 4 or read the newspaper.

Back to my Leadership class.

As usual, we're going to have another 2 presentations. The first group for today was the third group. They were presenting on communication skills. Basically, half of the presentation was in Bahasa. There were two parts, the first part was about The Deaf who was trying to tell The Blind that his money was stolen. That was nice, I think. The second part was about the dos and don'ts in interview session. All in all, I think the group's presentation was okay and entertaining but a bit informative.

The second presentation was brought by the fifth group, headed by Nini on organizational skills. The group portrayed the importance of organizational skills through acting by the group members. Unorganized company can be seen through its workers who lack of skills and this had resulted in the company's bankruptcy. All in all, the acting was nice and the message was delivered.

Of course, being organized is very important when it comes to a student like me. In organizing my learning materials, notes, reports, assignments, projects, and other things, filing system and notebooks offer me a big help. Having an Apple MacBook's application such as iCal helps me to sort my schedule smoothly, Address Book to handle my hundreds of contacts, iWork that works better than my Microsoft office and most importantly, all these things can be synchronized in my palm-sized iPod Touch which is highly convenient for me. Not to condemn the traditional executive diaries or phonebooks, but I'm just saying hello to 21st century!

In a nutshell, I enjoyed today's class and hope more things will be brought on the table for the next coming classes.

That's all, folks!

Being Me, That's All

Monday, February 15, 2010
Sometimes I wonder if everyone I know is showing his true self in front of me...

Me? Sometimes I feel like I don't even know myself.

But, most importantly, I just wanna be myself in front of other people...

Therefore, to all hypocrites out there, don't show yourself in front of me.

A Reflection... #2

Friday, February 5, 2010
Finally, after all those preparations before our group presentation for Leadership class, we presented it today. I felt relief when everything's over.

In our presentation on Leadership Skills my group members - Hazirah, Izzati, Asma and I acted as candidates that are running for an election. Each of us need to portray the dos and don'ts as a leader while Soraya will 'pause' us whenever a right or wrong thing done by us and point it out to the audiences.

Throughout the presentation, I thought this was the first time I present something using this method so it's quite unique to me, at least. As my turn came the last one to present, I had some time to observe the audiences. There were a lot seemed interested, but there were some seemed bored, there were some who was listening to their mp3, there were some who was sleeping, I even saw our Br. Said yawned a few times at the back. Well, everybody had their own reason why they did all those things and it probably does not mean they were not paying attention and vice versa.

As we started the class a little bit late, me - who's having trouble riding at night, need to leave early. I watched the second group's presentation for a few minutes and left after informed Br. Said.

Being a student is something that I have lived with for almost all my life. As I started the education earlier than other kids my age, went to 2 different schools in primary level - simultaneously, been to 2 boarding schools in secondary level, went to Centre for Foundation Studies of IIUM after that and now here in IIUM's Kuantan campus doing my bachelor degree, I can say studying holds a very big part of who I am. Learning is life-long process so I think it's not a big deal for being a student at this age of almost 22 while watching most of my friends back home who are already working, having businesses and married.

But of course, being a student has its own responsibility. Other than doing great in examinations, this is the time where a lot of opportunities to excel in aspects such as leadership, entrepreneurship, and other things come up through activities held in and off campus. There are a lot of programs where students can gain knowledge such as talks and workshops.

In a nutshell, from the session that had in class today, I can conclude that this university life is a very crucial stage of my life where I'll experience a lot of things - hardship, challenges, ups and downs, and of course the fun. There are still 2 years left before I graduate and I think I want to enjoy the rides of being a university student. Wish me luck!

I Love Saturday

Saturday, January 30, 2010
Today, I finished half of my Saturday in East Coast Mall shopping, eating and watching movie. It's the first time ever I went to a mall alone and I felt so light and free. I don't know whether it's a good or a bad feeling but I just felt that way. Can't help it!

Reached at ECM around 11 in the morning, I went straight to Sand - Loreal's Hair Salon and got myself a haircut. What a refreshing shampoo used on my hair! I love it! I miss my hairstylist though... Still, Shamon is a nice hairstylist. She'd done my hair very well...

Then, I went for my hotspot - Sushi King! Having okonomiyaki for a start, then some sashimi, and lastly I ordered unagi temaki. Stayed for a while in there before I had the last sip of my green tea.

Went to Living Cabin to search for Abeer's birthday present... I went through everything until I found the right one to give her... Well, hope she'll like it... :) I asked the lady at the counter to wrap it for me but I think I can wrap it better than her. Honestly...

Headed to the cinema after that to watch Legion - starring the guy from Da Vinci Code - Paul Bettany as the good angel, the guy from 2 Fast and 2 Furious and Transformers - Tyrese Gibson, the guy from The Fast and The Furious - Lucas Black, a cameo girl from Supernatural - Adriana Palicki, and some more. The film is a bit horror for me and evolved around Christianity, but still, like Da Vinci Code, I'm just enjoying the story...

After the movie, I went to Carrefour to buy some groceries and toiletries... There were a lot of people as the Chinese New Year is getting near... Got to see a lot of hot Chinese guys... :) Oopsie... Let's just scratch that...

Then, went to Starbucks to get Iced Caramel Macchiato. Nash was at the counter and I saw Mr. Blender is back after a long break... Both of them noticed I went shopping alone, and teased me if I was with someone. Like that ever gonna happen! :P

After reading a few pages of Eclipse, I decided to check on Padini, to see if there's sale and YES! There is! I went in and grab some T-shirts and shorts.

I called for a delivery and waited at Big Apple. Reached home around 8 p.m.

At home, Bella opened the door for me. She noticed the scooter and I noticed her car parked outside the fence... :D So, now everybody in the house has a ride! It's a good thing I guess... I chatted with Bella for a while before she went to get her friend from campus to accompany her in the room tonight.

All in all, wow... I think I should do this shopping-alone again... :) hehe

Good night!

Wondering, Wishing, Wanting, Willing, Waiting,...

Tuesday, January 19, 2010
Yesterday, I heard someone's said,

"As a human being, desire is a must. If you don't have one at least, you are just the same as the dead,"

Really? Seriously?

When I think about it, like really think about it deeply, over and over again, I realized it's been a very long time since I had something that I really want and willing to do anything to get it. Well, it doesn't include any unethical things. But still, if I'm not mistaken, the last thing that I want so badly - to the extent that I would be jumping around and dancing like I'm the luckiest person on earth, was... I can't remember.

I always go by the flow of time, going through things that happened and accepted them as if there's nothing I can do to make them stop from happening. Well, what's done is done...

Back to now, I think I need to be more sensitive and try to be more alert of things that happening, events on going, meeting new people, trying new things, and lots more...

I wonder... If I can be someone I want to be...
I wish... If I have more courage in me, I would want to take risks in order to get something extraordinary...
I want... The thing I want most in my life would benefit people around me...
I'm willing... To do anything I need to get it...
I'm waiting... for the time to come for me to start going for it...

Is it now? Is it later?
Is it now or never?

A Reflection... #1

Friday, January 15, 2010
Finally after a long wait for Leadership class, today I had one. Well, it's 2 in 1 actually... Though I'm not really agree with the concept of killing two birds at one shot as we're having 2 sessions in one class, still all my classmates are okay with it... It's a good thing I guess.

When the lecturer came, I was surprised. It's not that he's an alien or something but because it was the first time I saw him. As I know most of the lecturers in Kulliyyah of Science - except in Department of Mathematical Science, I bet he's not in our Kulliyyah.

My first impression? He's definitely a strict and particular person. Well, I was right at the end of the sessions.

While waiting for others to come - though he prefer to wait for them, we discussed a few ground rules in the next coming sessions that we're going to have with him. Basically, we have to come for every session - of course. Two times of absent will result in barring from the course. We're not going to have final exam but if you are barred, you are required to repeat the whole course during next semester. We all have to submit assignments which is a journal - An Experience Learning Leadership and Management Module: A Reflection. Lastly, we all are required to participate in the task given which is our presentation.

After explaining a little bit more on what we should do in our presentations, we are required to form a group and chose a topic - from the module. Done with that, we proceeded with the things we are going to evaluate from our classmates' presentations as we are going to give 50% mark for every presentation.

Finally, we got the chance to know a little bit more on who's actually the person behind the name of Br. Mohd. Said Nurumal - our lecturer. He's the Deputy Dean of Academic Affair of IIUM's Kulliyyah of Nursing. A lot of questions rose among my classmates mostly regarding his personal life. A few questions on what he likes. Surprised when we heard he loves Disneyland, he explained that it is because that he likes the animation created by Walt Disney and went to Walt Disney Animation Studio few times to actually enjoy the thrill of animation. He also told us that he had been to so many places which had me feel a little bit of envy of him. It's not that I never travelled before but I just can't help it. But then, I realize the fun he had came with a price. I bet being a Deputy Dean of Academic Affair in KON isn't something you can joke about. It's a heavy responsible and of course there will be special treatments given if you're in that position.

It suddenly reminds me of being the only daughter in the family. I'm the first who went abroad and I have to admit that I mostly get what I want. But, I do realize all those things come with a price and it's expensive. All my life I have to live up to their expectations - though I'm not that good in my studies, and I have to go with everything they decided. My course, especially. I never intended to study science but they want me to. I never wanted to be in IIUM's Kuantan campus but they actually flew from Sabah - my hometown, and sent me here. However, I decided to go with everything they want me to do. I hope good things will come to me as I know consent from parents are very important.

But, a friend once said to me, "In life, you don't do things half-heartedly." Because I believe there is something that I can do better than science so I started to take things that laid in front of me not seriously. I'm lacking in a lot of things compare to my classmates who got high CGPA and I have different way of learning science or my course I should say. For me, as I know I'm not as good as other people in my class, I take things slowly than others, and trying my best to understand things I need to know for every subject I'm taking.

Every time my head goes up to space, as I imagine myself doing other thing - studying Architecture, I will remember what had said by my English teacher back in secondary school, "A person who does not take seriously what he's doing now is someone who does not have the right to talk about what he wants in future." That'll definitely bring me back to earth and the reality of life will hit my face and tells me to wake up and start to work hard in my study.

Back to my Leadership class...

So, before we dispersed, we decided the date for our next session where my group and I will present our topic on Leadership Skills.

All in all, I think... well, I hope our coming sessions will be interesting as there won't be any lecture just presentations by our classmates. As for me and my group, we're going to have discussions regarding our presentation by the end of this week. The earlier, the better.

As I need to do some research on our topic, that's all for now.


New Me... I Guess...

Friday, January 1, 2010
Happy New Year, everyone... It's 2010 and I've got few things to say...

As usual, new year comes along with fresh determinations... Therefore this year, I'm determined to shape myself and become a better person... Inside out...

I hope I can manage my time properly,
prioritize things around me = studying should comes to the 1st place,

and lots of things to be taken care of...

and most importantly to get to know more of what is the thing that I want most in my life...

"It can't be done" is I hate mostly... So, I will never do things halfway anymore... I want to finish every single thing I had started... But of course... Studying isn't something I can be done with but in things involving commitment and determination in achieving something, I would really want to try at least finish every phase I have to go through in order to go forward to the next phase, in my field of study, in my life...

That's all.