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When the water has run dry, sit and watch for the rising clouds.

I'm Out of My Mind... I Think.

Tuesday, December 1, 2009
I called some people in the Kulliyyah of Architecture and Environmental Design of IIUM in Gombak Campus today. I asked the basic questions about the requirements and the prospects if I want to apply the Undergraduate there. I'm not sure whether this is a right thing to do but then this was what I did before I finally decided not to apply UMS last time. I have to know what I'm gonna do if I take it and what am I gonna miss if I just let it go. I think, it's a good way in making the right decision.
I asked Mum about it. if I want to be an architect, I told her that she and Dad have to wait for another 4 years at least. If I decide to do Pure Architecture, it's gonna be 5 years.

She said she don't have problem with it. Thank God.

But I know Dad will go ballistic if he listen these words about this architect thing. Well, all he sees is the last 3 years I spent in Biology that definitely will go down the drain and the next 4-5 years that even myself not so sure whether I can make it or not.

I really don't know what to do.

I asked myself over and over again. What is the problem with Biomedical Science? Well, obviously there are a lot of problems such as the unprofessional lecturers, lack of management in the laboratories, selfish classmates, exam-oriented-people environment, less interesting lectures, etc. I forget to put 'IIUM's Biomedical Science' there. The campus itself is problematic if you really want to begin with the problems actually. I tried not to include the hostel environment as that aspect will only be considered if I wanna change university.

The reason why I wanna change to Architecture? I want to run Mum's and Dad's businesses later on but the most important one is because I start to grew deep interest toward architecture recently. Well, when I think about it, if you ask me like 5 years ago, would I choose Architectural stream over Science stream, I would choose Architecture. Why? Because I love Art and Science and Architecture has both of them, right?

I wish I can go back in time. Seriously. I think it's because I'm not that brave to make decision on my own when I was younger. I only see things through my parents' eyes all this while - I'm not saying it's a bad thing but I guess I just missed the thing that maybe just maybe is something that I can do like really do with deep interest, strong willingness, and high determination.

I guess it's because I have tons of distractions like music, movies, technologies, etc.

I asked Mum whether I should change university as Architecture in IIUM is gonna take at least 4 years while other universities' courses in Architecture can be completed in 3 years. She suggested UMS - again. I told her I don't wanna study in Bahasa as it's freaking more complicated than English. It's not that my English is something that I can proud of but Bahasa? I went through hard times in Matriculation as I need to switch all the terms to English and now I have to go through that again? NO WAY!

If I need to go to UMS, I rather choose UNIMAS. Why? You know why. :) Another reason is because the Arts courses there are excellent - Mdm. Vianna from my secondary school graduated from there was a great Art teacher. I think it's a great place to study.

Actually, I rather stay in IIUM. Plus, Gombak campus has a very good environment to study. The mahallah, the cafes, sport complexes, the library, and of course it's nearby KL!

But then, if I just go on with things that I'm doing right now isn't that bad. I might further my studies in Japan and join researches in diseases especially spinocerebellar ataxia in one of the universities in Tokyo. Jounan University perhaps.

My life plan?

1 - I want to finish my degree - no matter what course and I want to be in Second Class at least.
2 - Work for 1 or 2 years. Or maybe not as I'll just gonna further my studies abroad. In Japan, Korea, UK or Australia.
3 - After I'm done with living abroad life, I'll go back to Malaysia and find a new job.
4 - Get my own apartment, car, and maybe start on planning my own business. (I detail these things later especially my apartment design).
5 - Go on a trip to go around places in Japan and Korea - again.

I have a lot of things I want to do, experience, accomplish, achieve, and most importantly I really want to live my life to the fullest.Sounds normal and ordinary but I really want to do it.

Some people might think that all these things are only going on and on in my head but I think well, for me at least, I just want to take things slowly but always progressing. Rome wasn't built in one night, right? Therefore, to do something that give impact on your life isn't something that you do over night. I need to think, plan, and take actions. I know all these things need to be planned smoothly and that is what I'm doing right now so when the time comes for me to turn words into actions, I can do it smoothly.

I also hope, that while I'm trying my best to accomplish all the things I want in my life, God will guide me to the right path. I ask for His Forgiveness for my wrong-doings, Blessings in all that I do as I want to do things for His Sake and for the benefit of my family and other people. I hope that at the end of the day, I know that I had lived my life rightfully and I always know that He's watching all along.

Maybe, after all those things, I can finally find my own happiness. Happiness in my own term. Maybe it involve a very important person my life or maybe not. I don't know that yet.