Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Am I Hurt?

Trying to find a right word to start this entry for about almost half an hour but I couldn't just find anything.

Here goes nothing...

I always think that maybe I was right about him. He is perfect. Perfect in every aspect I can think of. Perfect in the eyes of people around him - though some may think not but the fact that he is way too perfect for me just keep on haunting me ever since the first moment I met him.

I was in the middle of nowhere while finding one simple reason to forget someone until the day I met this one guy who I thought a worker in our faculty's photocopy centre. I was stunned when I heard his voice for the first time. After asking few questions then I found out that he's actually a student in 3rd year and what a beautiful coincidence that we shared the same department! I was so elated and thought it was a bless to have such wonderful senior and after having a quite long conversation, I left with my friend with one thing about me he misunderstood. My name or rather my nickname.

After that, he really had caught my attention. I saw him everywhere around the campus - I really did asked myself whether it was just me or it was really odd coincidences to see him even in other faculties. Such a small world isn't it? He always appears in such presentable ways of dressing up. Not too schematic but rather casual and his choice of colours just enlightened me each and every time.

From time to time, I updated myself about things that revolved around him via his classmates which happened to be housemates and people I hang out with. I know it is so high school but I don't really care about those said things.

Facebook is a phenomena and I'm one of people who included in the list of those who got really into it after signed up. There I found his account and of course I added him. Well, not to forget the fact that I was dared by someone but still, I was jumping up and down when he finally approved me. We chatted few times and I think I was having a great time spending some time 'hovering' his profile. Laughing with my friends while looking at pictures that he posted up in his FB or reading his random entries on his wall.

So basically, all I can say is I really like this guy. Up to the level I would sit in the faculty's lounge just to get a glimpse of him. Hey, he's a great guy so don't put the blame on me!

But the beautiful days have come to an end when I finally found out about his relationship with someone who attended the same university as us.

My heart was broken. Like one big shining crystal that been crushed to the wall and shattered into debris of worthless glass.

It was just a simple crush! I know and that was I thought about the whole thing but I guess it's not. My days had become so stressing with the finals were around the corner. I felt so childish and stupid.

Well, what more can I say? I moved on. Or that was I thought. Time went so fast and few months I started to hang out around him again. But the feeling wasn't the same anymore. Though some times I could feel that he actually knows about how I feel towards him but that was only a prediction.

almost 2 semesters had already passed and things don't really change much. I still catching up about him but I can see the fine and invisible line telling me I had more than enough of him already.

but I'm just a human. I make mistakes. A lot of mistakes and being easily lured into the 'black hole' of beautiful and wonderful thoughts of him probably one that I should've avoided.

Things happened for reasons. Though I tried so hard to find wisdoms behind all the things happened in my life, I just couldn't wrap my head around this thing that just happened just now.

He is getting married.

Am I hurt?

p.s this is the 'best' birthday present ever!